Almost every woman has, at some point, wanted a tall, dark, and brooding Alpha Male. Think Mr. Darcy and Mr. Big.
The thing is, in real life we might be much better off falling for a Beta.
Hear me out.
The thing is, in real life we might be much better off falling for a Beta.
Hear me out.
(By the way, that's Adrien in the picture, the chess-playing Beta male from my novella You're the One, free to newsletter subscribers).
But what's a Beta, anyway, you might ask?
Let me start by describing what the Beta male is NOT.
He isn’t a permanently battle-ready, headstrong, testosterone-oozing warrior type, cruelly lacking in sensitivity and subtlety.
He's also less common than the Alpha male.
Why?
Evolution, baby.
In prehistoric times, the Alpha had a greater chance of surviving. Having survived, often by killing a scary beast or a grabby rival, he'd become Big Boss and get the corner cave.
Naturally, he'd also pick the most desirable female and try his luck at reproducing.
The Alpha male is the hero of most romance books and, of course, action movies. Daniel Craig comes to mind. Channing Tatum, too.
In stark contrast to the Alpha, the Beta male is quiet and sensitive. He stays in the background. He can be strong and good-looking, but in a low-key, unassuming way. He’s never a bully. Which doesn’t mean he’s a coward with no self-respect.
In centuries past, the Beta male would have been a shaman, a monk or a bard. Today’s Beta often goes by “geek”, “nerd” or “shy guy”. What he lacks in testosterone he makes up for in ingenuity and humor. He can be as successful as the next Alpha, but he won't go around puffing his chest and roaring at the top of his voice about his exploits.
If you haven't yet met him in real life, you must have seen him in romantic comedies. Pick any male lead played by Paul Rudd, Justin Timberlake or Matthew Perry, and you have him.
These days, women want it all: equal rights, a fulfilling career and a family. There’s nothing wrong with that. Thankfully, technology has made the traditional division of labor between the sexes, save for breastfeeding, entirely optional.
The trouble is that many of us want it all, plus an Alpha male at our side. It's as if some remote, dark part of our brain still refuses to believe we’d survive without a protector in this big, big world. As if we still expected a saber-toothed tiger to lurk in the darkness behind the bushes.
Let me start by describing what the Beta male is NOT.
He isn’t a permanently battle-ready, headstrong, testosterone-oozing warrior type, cruelly lacking in sensitivity and subtlety.
He's also less common than the Alpha male.
Why?
Evolution, baby.
In prehistoric times, the Alpha had a greater chance of surviving. Having survived, often by killing a scary beast or a grabby rival, he'd become Big Boss and get the corner cave.
Naturally, he'd also pick the most desirable female and try his luck at reproducing.
The Alpha male is the hero of most romance books and, of course, action movies. Daniel Craig comes to mind. Channing Tatum, too.
In stark contrast to the Alpha, the Beta male is quiet and sensitive. He stays in the background. He can be strong and good-looking, but in a low-key, unassuming way. He’s never a bully. Which doesn’t mean he’s a coward with no self-respect.
In centuries past, the Beta male would have been a shaman, a monk or a bard. Today’s Beta often goes by “geek”, “nerd” or “shy guy”. What he lacks in testosterone he makes up for in ingenuity and humor. He can be as successful as the next Alpha, but he won't go around puffing his chest and roaring at the top of his voice about his exploits.
If you haven't yet met him in real life, you must have seen him in romantic comedies. Pick any male lead played by Paul Rudd, Justin Timberlake or Matthew Perry, and you have him.
These days, women want it all: equal rights, a fulfilling career and a family. There’s nothing wrong with that. Thankfully, technology has made the traditional division of labor between the sexes, save for breastfeeding, entirely optional.
The trouble is that many of us want it all, plus an Alpha male at our side. It's as if some remote, dark part of our brain still refuses to believe we’d survive without a protector in this big, big world. As if we still expected a saber-toothed tiger to lurk in the darkness behind the bushes.
Imagination
|
Reality
|
I'm not saying the modern world is completely safe for women. But a frail damsel with a gun or a Taser can protect herself from the hulkiest hulk, if you catch my drift.
Yet this ancient, “lizard” part of our brain still makes us want an Alpha male to protect us (and our babies, as the case may be).
Fair enough.
But here's the catch: today, we also want that Alpha to respect and understand us. We want him to notice our new haircut and do the dishes. We’d like him to be sweet AND authoritarian, trusting AND jealous, rakish AND loyal, seeking our opinion AND all-knowing, emotionally available BUT not whiny, sharing BUT not gossipy…
That's a tall order, don't you think?
So, here's my point: the answer to the modern woman's conundrum may be the Beta Male.
He is not a chimera. There have been numerous well-documented sightings in every city and town. There's abundant video footage, eyewitness accounts, wedding albums and social media posts that prove he exists, and can be found in public places such as cafés, gyms, bookshops and theaters.
The Beta male is gentle (not to be confused with weak), kind and reliable. If he falls for you, he won’t let you down. He’ll stand by your side — as a caring partner, not an overbearing protector. He’ll respect your choices, personal space and career.
He's Mr. Bingley in jeans.
And he can make a modern-day Jane very happy indeed.
Yet this ancient, “lizard” part of our brain still makes us want an Alpha male to protect us (and our babies, as the case may be).
Fair enough.
But here's the catch: today, we also want that Alpha to respect and understand us. We want him to notice our new haircut and do the dishes. We’d like him to be sweet AND authoritarian, trusting AND jealous, rakish AND loyal, seeking our opinion AND all-knowing, emotionally available BUT not whiny, sharing BUT not gossipy…
That's a tall order, don't you think?
So, here's my point: the answer to the modern woman's conundrum may be the Beta Male.
He is not a chimera. There have been numerous well-documented sightings in every city and town. There's abundant video footage, eyewitness accounts, wedding albums and social media posts that prove he exists, and can be found in public places such as cafés, gyms, bookshops and theaters.
The Beta male is gentle (not to be confused with weak), kind and reliable. If he falls for you, he won’t let you down. He’ll stand by your side — as a caring partner, not an overbearing protector. He’ll respect your choices, personal space and career.
He's Mr. Bingley in jeans.
And he can make a modern-day Jane very happy indeed.
RSS Feed